I Want My Weather Channel

Does anyone else in the NYC area miss the Weather Channel with a profound unhappiness, or is it just me? 

It’s awful enough we have to weather this potential snowstorm (yes, I went there) minus El Bloombito’s crack Spanish admonitions, which I’ve only recently – begrudgingly, barely, really – accepted. His absence in the circus entertainment that is a NYC snow removal presser is deeply missed. That’s only taken about three years to get over, by the way.  And I say barely, since I would welcome his cantankerous snow updates back in a hot second – with or without the Spanish – but especially with Ray Kelly and the wildly entertaining sign language lady.  Alas, this is never going to happen.

To further spoil a once near-perfect news equilibrium, in March, Verizon sneakily dumped the Weather Channel, pretty much after the snow season had already passed – I suppose, hoping we wouldn’t really notice. But I noticed. All summer. I noticed. Compelled to watch this Accuweather garbage in order to find out if I should: a) sit on my deck sipping a Margarita, or b) bungee the lemon-slice raft to the filter and take down the “Living on Island Time” sign hanging on the back of the house. Verizon’s Accuweather channel has proven low-budget and boring, consistently. It is devoid of the quality music chosen by the Weather Channel to unfailingly accompany the local forecast. Worse yet, Accuweather wants to give me this substandard weather forecast for a whole bunch of other places I don’t care about. 

Yes, I know the Weather Channel does that, too. But Jim Cantore never disappointed me. He was always holding his hat with one hand and a microphone with the other, while balancing precariously on a snow mound, in exactly the right place. Even if it wasn’t nearby, the local forecast was still either ticking across the bottom of the screen or just minutes away from being replayed. I could count on this. All day, every day. 

Did I watch Storm Stories? No, not on purpose. But you can bet I watched it when I wanted to see the weather forecast. They had me like that, and I know I’m not the only one. Now I have to look on my phone, which is maddening, since I’m old and refuse to wear reading glasses. (Yes, I know I can make the numbers bigger on my giant iPad-like phone; I’m not doing it). It’s just not the same. I want continuous, alarmist, cable news-type coverage of my weather. It’s not for the preparedness. It’s for the entertainment. A storm without a panicked Paul Kocin or Jim Cantore enraptured by thundersnow? No, thanks.

The only thing this storm has going for it is the possibility of continuous special coverage by Pat Battle, since it’s a Saturday.  But who am I kidding?  I want that and the Weather Channel.  And my MTV.  Damn it.

#BringBackTWC